Behind Enemy Lines

A simultaneously silly but serious poem critiquing the hypocrisy and misogyny of men, and how I aim to redefine masculinity as a queer trans guy!

Double Agent from the Freedom Museum in Groesbeek

The worst part about transitioning

Is that now I look like a MAN

But I’m NOT

And you might be shocked

To hear this

But men don't have the best reputation

Men didn’t believe or respect me

When I was a woman

But they listen to me more

Now that I LOOK like them

And it's fucking infuriating

I won't lie

I get the best rush

When I'm greeted by straight men

With head nods

And fist bumps

And the weird, quick hugs

With back pat

Like I'm one of them

I can pass for a straight guy too

Sup, bro 😎

…Right?

But men who would've once

Sexually harassed me

Talked down their noses

With wide smirks and arched brows

Treat me as an equal

Like a brother

Not just a potential lover

They were withholding respect

The whole time

That they now so casually

And willingly share

Without predatory comments

And long stares

(If they’re not being homophobic now)

They also sling misogyny

Around with much looser lips

When I cautiously call them on it

Bracing myself for impact

They act stunned

Not used to a brother

Challenging their bigotry

And concede or quickly retreat

Sometimes all I have to say is

“Ummmmm…I don’t know about that.”

I'm not usually met with argument

And "well, actually"

Or "bitch"

Fucking unbelievable

The difference in treatment

Because now I have a beard

And a manly voice

I feel like an undercover agent

A spy behind enemy lines

Gathering intel

Confirming my suspicions

That I couldn't as a girl

Countless times

I walked up to a group

And they closed ranks

Shut me out of conversation

Excluded me from games

"Only boys allowed"

But now I've got a backstage pass

To join the coveted boys’ club

I just fear flashing

My corrected ID for entry

Will blow my cover instantly

And while I'm glad for

The great gatsby gender affirmation

I never want to fully belong in spaces

Where others are barred

I'll forever be a feminist at heart

Maybe I can use my

“Male passing” privilege (ugh)

To confront patriarchy

At the root of rot

Reach through the yawning lion’s jaw

And tear out the pride

Force Man to retreat to His cave

Mature a millennium and a day

Before being allowed out

Again to play

Maybe then He’ll behave?

Maybe I can decode His secrets

Send them back to the mothership

If they’ll still consider my mission

Friendly, not hostile

I hate the fear

That I strike in women now

Sometimes when I linger around

Walk close behind them

I see my unease reflected

In their eyes

I want to yell

“I’m not like them, I swear!

I’m one of the Good Guys!”

Before I realize

Isn’t that what they all say?

All I can do is prove my point

With different actions

Not canned lines

Redefine masculinity

As a queer trans guy

And flip a bird to the Man

Before sabotaging His operation

From the inside

Feminism and Patriarchy