Conflict of Interest

Or: We Collided When Your Care Spun Out of Control

"Wheels on the Bus" by messylittlemonster

The wheels on the bus went round and round

As you enclosed my small hand in your protective grip

Squeezing tighter with each bump we hit

Always ready to throw yourself under the bus for me…

Us against the world

The wipers went swish, swish, swish

And my eyes and nose drip, drip, dripped

As your grip tightened into a fist

You took me off of carousel rides and merry-go-rounds

Restricted me to training wheels and flat ground

The horn on the bus went beep, beep, beep,

And the windows flooded with red, red, red

As I pried your fingers apart

Because I’d grown tired of your touch

Suddenly, the world and you against me

I started wishing we would crash

That I was dead

The people on the bus went chatter, chatter, chatter

And your tight-lipped whispers of correction and criticism

Eroded my confidence and shut down my rebellion

Taunting and tormenting me still

The babies on the bus go wah, wah, wah

And I wake up wailing into a living nightmare

My head spinning with the force of gravity

And the reality that now

My fists clench empty

No rail or hand to steady me

Because I remember

I am the bus

And you the driver

No, you are the bus

And I am the wheels

Crushed yet dragging along

A casualty of your care

That spun out of control

You are the bus

And I am thrown under the wheels

Out on the streets

Alone

Now, when you nod off at your seat

I hope you dream of me too

I hope you drive straight and narrow

With a steady hand

Alone

When you see red

I hope you stop

And don’t crash without me

---

If you learned something or just appreciate my writing, you can tip me at paypal.me/zoeadunning or cash.app/$zoeadunnin.