Jesus Was Gay

I'm gonna piss some people off with this one!!! LMAO I started writing this as a sacrilegious joke but then realized there's actually a historical basis that he might've been gay! Or bi! Or at least there's always been speculation that he is lol

You mean to say he traveled

With a 12 man communist polycule

And I’m supposed to believe

He’s straight as a board?

I mean, gee, Carpenter Jesus

Was a hard worker

Slinging wood and carving away

At social constructs

And let's not forget

That the word homosexuality

Wasn't added to the Bible

Until 1946!

A mistranslation

Now used maliciously

Jesus was gay

His disciples were his lovers

And he loved John most of all

His most faithful devotee

John the Apostle

Who stayed by Jesus’ side

While he died

When all his other friends fled

Gazing upon his lord and savior

Unlike Judas who sold out and lied

John, who would follow him

To the ends of the Earth

Hang on the cross along with him

Who witnessed Jesus’ miraculous rebirth

John, who ran to the empty tomb

To see the truth with his own eyes

Who believed the women

That saw him first

He was painted many times

Over the centuries

Caressing Jesus' chest

And most likely had a piece of that ass

That agape love

I bet that on Good Friday

When Jesus descended to hell

He was having a good, gay old time

Before he rose again

King James I

Who created the King James Bible

Defended his relationship

With the Duke of Buckingham

Declaring that he's not a defect:

"For Jesus Christ did the same,

And therefore I cannot be blamed.

Christ had his John,

And I have my George."

Let me be clear:

History is queer

Burning records

Erasing us from footnotes

Doesn’t change the truth

Jesus was gay

And no amount of rewriting

By white men

Can wash that fact away