Predestined Starseed

I got real existential over Christmas and pondered a new understanding of the universe.

Someone I just met told me,

"I know you're suffering

And I'm so sorry

But I'm so glad that your spirit chose

This time and place

And this body."

I said,

"I don't think I would've chosen

This flesh vessel...

I'd much rather remain an orb of light

Or an energy field."

But maybe the ether thought,

"What if I evolved

Instead of merely combining

Flowing

Joining

And disintegrating

Energy into gases?

I long to linger longer in matter

I wonder what it would be like to wear skin

To shield myself in scales

To crawl on all fours

To grasp the warm earth beneath me

I wonder what sensations I could experience

By forming fingers

Paws

Claws

To sink into the succulent flesh of fruit

Tear into muscle and sinew

What pleasure might overwhelm me

If I could actually touch another?"

Maybe love is

The cosmic consciousness folding in half

To see what it feels like

Maybe it decided that the pain

And suffering of physical manifestation

On this plane of existence

Ruled by (presumed) linear time

Was Is worth the carnal pleasure

Blisters and heartbreak and aging and all

Maybe the Big Bang was Mother Ether

And Father Void fucking

Until they spilled starseed

Into the infinite expanse

Conceiving unbelievable possibilities

And alternate realities

Each of us are extensions of the universe

Pretending to be individuals

The collective composition of the cosmos

After all

As Nikita Gill says:

“We have calcium in our bones, iron in our veins, carbon in our souls, and nitrogen in our brains. 93 percent stardust, with souls made of flames, we are all just stars that have people names.”

Maybe my spirit gazed into the abyss

And was frightened by the formless reflection

Launching itself toward unknown horizons

In search of new worlds

Because the risk was worth

Overcoming the boredom of unfeeling eternity

Maybe death is just

The spirit drifting into sleep in one form

And awakening in another

Without memory of past lives

Maybe I did choose to be here

Exactly me

Maybe I'm right where I'm supposed to be

Before I pass through the veil again

Into the cradling arms of Child Infinity