Wasting Away
- Zoë Ariel Dunning
- Mar 5
- 2 min read
Updated: Apr 22
Thoughts of you bring me back
To times I thought we’d always have
I write letters to you in my head
But you’ve heard nothing that I’ve said
I don’t want to keep going
Without you
But I’ll grow around the pain
If I have to
I’ll learn to live with the heartache
I don't forgive you
But I fucking miss you
I don't want to spend our years
Wasting away
Waiting for each other to change
Who will give in first?
I get my stubbornness from you
So you know I’m hell bent on winning
But you will go to your death bed
Believing I’m sinning
Before you ever call me your son
You look forward to eternity together
With your prodigal daughter
But why can’t you love and accept me
In this lifetime??
Here and now
We aren’t promised any more
You only watch my life unfold
Through a screen
Read my stories in magazines
Get highlights and leaked posts
Not behind the scenes footage
Or blooper reels
No irl FaceTime
I wait for your email
Or letter
Or call
Or anything
To come through at all
I can’t seem to write
A single happy poem
About you
But I have sad ones
Flooding off my tongue
Like a landslide
Faster than I can type
A steady stream of consciousness
Wasted tears on unspent years
Your voices are all I hear
While I go in your ear
And out the other
Echoes of your disapproval
Reverberating through me
Disappointment clouding me in doom
Shame staining me with fumes
Waking to a flurry of texts
Apologizing and presenting
A change of heart
Would be like Christmas
Anything to fill the aching void
I only see you when I close my eyes
You only tell me what I need to hear
In my dreams
So real that I don’t want to wake up
In a cold sweat
To a cold room alone
I fucking miss you
But I can't forgive you
I can’t
I guess I’ll see you in hell
Of our own mutual creation
When we both crawl
Into the captive jaws of fate
Until death do us reunite
Take a bow
Because after all
You’re the sacrificial winner
I’m a self-righteous sinner
And I’m just here
Wasting away
Without you
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