Dreary Christmas

I've been working on this one for a couple years! I don't quite feel this way anymore, but the past few Christmases have been very lonely.

Elise Schulz

Christmas morning

Used to start with

Cinnamon rolls and songs

Played too loud by my dad

To lure our sleepy asses out of bed

Now this is my fourth Christmas

Without my family

And my anxiety is sky high

Flying through the frigid air

As they pass my roof by

The passage of time

Seems impossible

Four years feels like

I died and this is the cursed afterlife

I’d even beg for coal at this point

But my stocking stays empty

Above a frigid fireplace

No Christian stories to sit through

Thank God

But no sitting around

The tree anymore

Bickering with my siblings

Over presents

Our eyes wide

With childlike wonder

I pick the shards from family photos

Out of my cuts

Box them up and shove them

Deep back in the closet

Secrets and lies pile up

Unopened presents lie untouched

Gather dust

No ribbons or bows

To dress the truth up pretty now

I tear the paper off

And all the memories

Come tumbling out

And I remember why

I sealed them out of sight

Maybe I’ll celebrate

With my family

Again some day

When we’re not at

Each other’s throats

Maybe we’ll stop praying

For each other to change

When we can agree on a single verse

But for now

I eat frosted snowflakes

Wish on a stray eyelash

And sit on my couch

Empty-handed and frigid-hearted

Haunted by the ghosts of

Past, present, and future

A very dreary Christmas to me