Drowning in Deep Homosexual Desire

Boy Crazy: A Case of Men-ingitis

I think I’ve come down with

Men-ingitis again

Because a cute guy flirted with me

For 2 minutes

One of my symptoms is

Craving the feel of rough stubble

Against mine

Fantasizing about grinding hips

A big hand on the small of my back

Crushing me against them

I first caught a cold case of

Boy crazy

In preschool

A cootie contagion of cuties

I didn’t know how to read or write

But I knew I liked looking at him

At them

I wanted to creep

Through the long brown grasses

Of those lashes

Framing a shadowed pool

Confront my frightened feminine

Rippled reflection

My stare still sparkled

And resonated with youth

I obsessively crushed

On boys as a teen girl

Wanting to be them as badly

As I wanted them to be in me

I fell for light green eyes at 15

As bright and piercing

As wading through

The crystal clear turquoise

Caribbean sea

He always seemed

To see right through me

He could pin me to the wall

With the power of one of those glances

But he didn’t look over his shoulder

His sight passed me over

While I sighed in longing

I later fixated on an intense pair of

Rabid dogs frothing at the mouth

I missed the mischievous glints

And side eyes

Swooned over the bright gleam

When they snarled a good joke

But their eyes were crowded

By darkness and mirth

Collected over time

By living life in the dirt

They corrupted me

While mine were still wide

In doe-eyed innocence

Only accustomed to taking in the light

I developed a dull, glossed vision

Still stock full of emotions

But I shushed my secrets

And sealed them behind lock and key

Queer men jump started

My heart again

And all I can think about

Is fiercely kissing

And frantically humping

Against dark club walls

In the backseat of steamy cars

In empty school halls

So horny that we can’t even

Make it home

So horny that we don’t care

Who sees

And UGHHH

The way they look at me

With burning hunger

When they want me

Makes me so fucking ferallll

Foaming at the mouth

Barking and begging and howling

Feral 

I’m a sucker for men

Who kiss as sassy

As they talk

And taste as brassy

As they walk

They have a chokehold on me

My heart thudding in my chest

Padam, padam

They drive me wild with desire

Pin me down with pining

I pulse with heat that pools

In a puddle at my feet

Now when I stare into

Similar shadowed pools

Strewn with brown leaves

Long grasses waving in the wind

I want to soundlessly

Skim the glimmering water

Sink down

And down

And down…

I could drown in masculine

Melted chocolate swirl eyes

That I now see

When it’s just me

And the man in the looking glass

Hey, he’s handsome as hell now!

One day when my well-worn vision

Is slowly fading with age

But gaining in truth

Fogging over with the past

I hope people will still peer in

At my story held captive within

See that I’ve loved and lusted

After so many delicious

Devilishly handsome men

That it should be a sin

I’m drowning in homosexual desire

Diving into the deep end

With no more fear

No regrets

The waters whisper back to me

“This is where you’ve always dwelled.”

Never in my wildest dreams

Did I imagine

I'd be an object of attraction

For a gay man

His hands in my hair

My clothes in his room

I’m drowning in homosexual desire

And I think I'll make my home

Here

In these wonderful, wild waves