Gay For Guys

"Gay Couple" by Aleksandra Kalenova

I shared poems last week about how I used to be a girl who wanted to be gay but for guys, talked about gay sex, and proclaimed that I have a vagina (not for the first time but the first time in a while)  Someone brought a dog that started barking loudly right after I said “boy pussy” and everyone died laughing lmaooooo

For real though, sharing about my desires for queer guys as a teen girl had me so nervous that I was shaking and sweating because I’ve only told a couple people that ever. I kept those urges deeply repressed because I was so ashamed. Every time I bring secret stuff to light, I feel a huge emotional release.

As a girl

I always wanted to be gay

But for boys

I pored over porn

Didn’t touch myself

But stroked the screen

Like I was touching

Their tough skin, taut muscles

“Cute boys kissing”

Blinked back at me

From the YouTube search bar

Sighing at gay movie stars

And wishing I was their type

No girly gazing for me anymore

I fall for women across the bar

Lingering around the edges

Of flirting and friendship

Blush brilliantly like an aurora

When they look at me

Sweetly kiss all their lips

But I bore my eyes into men

Desire gripping me in a vice

Tension tight around my neck

Where I crave their hands

Their breath slick down my back

Loving straight men

Was like vanilla lacing my tongue

Until they gave me the ick

Sickly sweet at first

But bland to the bone

Never fully fleshed out

They never settled in me right

A square peg doesn’t fit

Into a heart-sized hole

But I tried to cram

Them in my mouth anyway

But then

I kissed a boy as a boy

And I liked it

Felt his stubble brush my lips

Crushed our bodies together

In the unholiest rush of adrenaline

Queer men though??

Dear gawd

And the first time a gay guy

Said “Woof!" to me??

Whew

I salivate for that pure lust for life

Let communion dissolve

On our taste buds

As we cum in unison

Tongue tied, tangled up in sheets

Bodies a rough jumble

V lines tight like a nun

Bubble butts, happy trails

Trekking to all night hedony

By day, his name Gaston

By night, I call him Beast

I’ll bottom for the right guys

But I prefer to be on top

Before I devour my feast

I want a man

To break my back

And head board

And I’ll return the treat

I want that dick and boy pussy

I think I became who I am

And love who I love

For a reason

And fuck you if you think

I’m living in sin

I’m so glad to be gay for guys

Because straight men…

You need to develop a personality

Not based in bigotry

And get a sense of style

I’m just a fucking faggot

Fiercely flamboyant…

And also super fucking

Gay for women

I’m living my childhood dream

Now as a non-binary guy

And I still struggle to fully

Express my euphoria

I long to be enfolded

In strong masculine arms

Safe and warm

His heart held close

In my strong hands

Hairy legs intertwined

No eternal inferno to consume us

Just lost in flaming passion

Looking at my masculine

Mirror image

Realized in the flesh

Finally

By Stephen Niederwieser