Polyamory Growing Pains

Anxiety and jealousy can be a bitch, but don't let them limit your love

"Infinite Possibilities" by Denise Deiloh

I just went camping and bonded with friends, lovers, and new people at Gaea Retreat Center! Always an amazing, healing experience.

Recently, I’ve been working on my attachment trauma to manage my jealousy better. This weekend, my comfort level and autonomy were tested in the best ways. I’m still working on deconstructing monogamy as a purity culture dropout. That includes the idea that jealousy is “holy” and monogamy is the only option. I’ve had to evolve into an entirely different paradigm where everyone has full bodily autonomy and people aren’t property to fight over.

I used to get physically ill at just the thought of my partner being with anyone else, and now I watch my partners with others in front of me with a wide smile and sometimes tease them. Now I wrestle internally with anxiety as I continually heal and grow so that I’ll be able to love with the full, uninhibited expression of my being and not limit others with my insecurities.

Love multiplies, not divides! My metamours (partners of my partner) and I are collaborating to love our mutual partner, not competing for time or attention. Jealousy is totally normal and okay to feel, but not cool to impose on people. Sit with it. Let the pain show you where you need healing. Then self-soothe instead of fanning the flames.

Anyway, all this to say let jealousy be your teacher, that I’ve grown leaps and bounds with my anxious attachment, and I’m happily polyamorous. ♾️