Wine Into Water

Written in 2024

I dilute myself daily

Turn wine into water

So I can dance better

On your taste buds

Slip love in your drink

Easier to wash down

Without a bitter trace

I’m love drunk on sorrow

Poisonous repression

Swimming in my veins

So I can quietly drown in front of you

Without showing a drop of pain

On my face

My family diluted me the strongest

Spit me up with disgust

When I revealed my true face

And turned sick at the sight of me

Leaving a lingering stain

Apparently nothing can wash away

Sorry I was so vulnerable

Sorry I was too honest

Sorry I talked too much

Sorry I trauma dumped

In casual conversation

And not through a socially

Acceptable medium like poetry

Sorry my emotions still escaped

When I clamped my mouth shut

My eyes sore from bottling up

For years

My mouth bloody from

Biting back the truth

Swallowing everything

I really want to say

I’m sorry

I’m sorry

So so sorry

Sorry sorry sorry

For being myself

I’ll be the first to admit I’m imperfect

God, the thought is all

That consumes my brain

A constant drain on my energy

I want to be my wild, weird self

But I portion out

Which parts of me people get

A slice of confidence for you

A slice of joy for you

A cup of courage

You’re going to need it

This audience gets to hear

My most profound poetry

This circle knows me

By my humanitarian heart

This community gets to relish

My sexiest self

This group works in solidarity

With me politically

I spread myself thin

On those communion crackers

Until I snap

While I beg for the most

Meager morsels

Of love and affection

Is it too much to ask for someone

To know me as well as I know myself?

To witness me in my totality

And seek to dig deeper still?

I want someone to drink me in

And thirst for more

Have an endless appetite

Ravenous to sink their teeth in

For another taste

I’m done apologizing for who I am

My strong personality

My intense interests

My double-edged tongue

I long to unsheathe

I know I’m heavy to hold

It’s all I’ve been told

I just need someone strong enough

To stomach me

No more curling up like a fetus

To fit, to sit right

I want my heart to crumble

In your mouth

Like your favorite dessert

Dark and delicious

And settle heavy in you

Do you have the appetite?

Or do I have to keep converting

Wine into water

To cleanse your palate?

Make a righteous mess out of me

Feast until you've had your fill...

For now

Until my inviting aroma

Lures you back in

Come, devour me

I dare you